1. In the opening credits, we notice that Winterfell is no longer burning.
Game of Thrones / HBO
Thank god. Seeing it on fire last season was so depressing.
2. The episode opens with a flashback that finds a young Cersei and a friend in a scary wood.
Game of Thrones / HBO
It takes a bit of time to realise that this opening bit is a flashback. At first you assume that they are both new characters.
3. We learn that she’s there to find a witch so she can find out what the future has in store for her.
HBO / Game of Thrones
Cersei is told that she’ll be queen “for a time”, but that there will then be another queen who will “cast you down and take everything you hold dear”.
Basically, the second queen is Margaery Tyrell, who married Cersei’s son, Joffrey (RIP), last season. No wonder Cersei hates her. But then again it could be someone else entirely. The witch’s prediction isn’t specific.
We also learn that while the new king will go on to have 20 children, Cersei will only have three, alluding to Robert Baratheon’s 20 bastard children and Cersei’s three also-bastard incest children.
4. We’re then back in the present, where Cersei gives Margaery historic shade as she passes by.
HBO / Game of Thrones
HBO / Game of Thrones
#HistoricShade
But then again, she is here to see the body of her father, Tywin, who died on the toilet. :/
5. And here is Tywin, ironically being protected by his son Jaime, who didn’t want him to be a King’s Guard.
Game of Thrones / HBO
Jaime is convinced that enemies are plotting to tear apart the family, but Cersei is pretty adamant that Tyrion is the “real enemy”, and asks whether Jaime set him free.
6. And where is Tyrion? Well, guys, here he is!
Game of Thrones / HBO
Hiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
In case you want a recap: At the end of the last season Varys smuggled him to Pentos in a box on a boat, shortly after Tyrion killed Tywin and Shae.
7. He clearly had a lovely, lovely time in that crate.
HBO / Game of Thrones
Verys keeps going on about how Westeros is now at risk from itself. Tyrion thinks, “Oh, FFS just wait a couple of minutes first,” before helping himself to a drink.
8. Tyrion sums up life for everyone in Game of Thrones.
HBO / Game of Thrones
He then vomits.
Tyrion with a beard > Tyrion without a beard.
9. Meanwhile, in Meereen, we say goodbye to the huge statue on the top of the pyramid.
Game of Thrones / HBO
But not goodbye to the chaos in the city below the statue – we see White Rat, from Daenerys Targaryen’s army the Unsullied, murdered. Daenerys is clearly having a hard time controlling her city. She wants White Rat buried with full honours, but she’s warned that this will only enrage the resistance movement against her.
10. Does she care about the resistance? Not really.
HBO / Game of Thrones
11. Meanwhile, at the Night’s Watch, Jon Snow is told by Melisandre to meet Stannis Baratheon.
Game of Thrones / HBO
Where? On the top of The Wall. How convenient.
On their way up The Wall, Jon is asked if he is still a virgin, to which he replies that he is not. Meanwhile, Gilly is concerned she will be sent away from Sam because she is a Wildling, and they don’t have the best reputation right now.
12. Jon is asked by Stannis whether he has affection for the Wildlings.
Game of Thrones / HBO
“They were born on the wrong side of The Wall,” Jon responds in regards to the Wildings. “Doesn’t make them monsters.”
Stannis tells Jon that they need more men to take over Winterfell, and to do this they need the Wildlings to join his army. And the Wildlings’ leader, Mance Rayder, will have to kneel before him.
13. How will Jon convince the Wildings and Mance to do this? With this enticing offer.
HBO / Game of Thrones
And they can live free in his lands? Does Jon Snow think that they will agree to his terms? Nooooope.
14. Meanwhile, we learn that Robin Arryn is crap at this.
HBO / Game of Thrones
Tbh, we all would be.
15. That Brienne is annoyed about this.
HBO / The
Remember, she lost Arya after fighting The Hound at the end of Season 4.
16. And that Littlefinger and Sansa are heading…
HBO / Game of Thrones
17. Margaery is also completely unfazed when she interrupts her brother Loras and Olyvar getting frisky.
HBO / Game of Thrones
Margaery comes in and chats for a bit, mainly because she’s hungry and she says Loras is keeping the king waiting. The king and her could wait for like FIVE minutes, y’know.
Loras is also quite relieved because with Tywin being totally 100% dead, he isn’t forced to marry Cersei any more. He claims that Margaery is trapped because Cersei is still Margaery’s mother-in-law. “Perhaps,” Margaery muses. PLOTTING.
18. And why did Varys risk his life to help Tyrion escape? Because he believes that Tyrion can help save Westeros by helping someone to claim the Iron Throne.
Game of Thrones / HBO
HBO / Game of Thrones
Game of Thrones / HBO
And who is that someone they are helping to take over the Iron Throne?
Daenerys Targaryen. Worlds are colliding!
19. Back in Meereen, Daenerys is still dealing with difficult politics – some people in the city want the slave-fighting pits opened again.
Game of Thrones / HBO
They include Daario (who is butt-naked here). He says the fighting in the pits helped him become the man he is now.
20. And that she needs her dragons to show her strength.
Game of Thrones / HBO
Remember: They were locked in a cave after she was unable to protect them.
21. So she sees them. Are they pleased to see her?
Game of Thrones / HBO
No, not really.
22. Meanwhile, Jon Snow then visits Mance Rayder, who unsurprisingly doesn’t want the Wildlings to fight alongside Stannis’s forces and won’t kneel before him.
Game of Thrones / HBO
Jon thinks that Mance isn’t agreeing because of pride, but Mance says, “If you can’t understand why I won’t enlist my people in a foreigner’s war, there’s no point explaining.”
23. And does he kneel? He doesn’t. So he dies. Horribly.
Game of Thrones / HBO
Game of Thrones / HBO
Jon walks away because he can’t bear to look, but then he turns and shoots and arrow into Mance so he can die in slightly less pain than he is already in.
You’re now up to date. It wasn’t the most exciting episode, but it certainly set the scene well. The fact that storylines that had little in common with each other until now are coming together is also quite satisfying.
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